So you got the invitation to see the king in The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt. Well, start absolutely panicking because Geralt of Rivia isn’t exactly the most up to date person on the world of fashion. It’s almost a crime. Have no fear, though, because you’re presented with three lovely OOTDs (that’s outfit of the day) to choose from. Let’s go ahead and get right to business, you have an important meeting to attend.
First off, if you go with this one above, you are disowned. This is first on our list so we can immediately get it out of the way and never look at it again. How dare it exist; really, who allowed this crime against humanity? It’s like they took a curtain and said, “Sure. This will do. Throw a belt around it. No one will notice.” We noticed. We noticed it’s goddamn drapery. If you show up in front of the king wearing this, there is no hope for you. You honestly might as well restart your entire playthrough and consider your choices again.
This one is better, but what is going on with the vest? Is the king, like, a peacock that needs to be distracted by intricate designs? Has a piece of clothing within The Witcher ever been louder than this vest? No, keep moving. Stop looking at it. No, I know the belt isn’t that bad. You’re right, but you are not wearing the medieval equivalent of leopard print to meet the king.
This is the one. This is it. It has none of the first one’s flaws (AKA all of it) and takes the second’s design to new heights. No obnoxious coloring or designs. The belt is all hip and effortless. It’s just perfect for Geralt’s low-key self, you know? He isn’t flashy, he knows he can rock whatever but he chooses to lay low. Respect. There’s even a zipper down the front for when he meets up with Yennefer for dinner or whatever. Look at that perfection.
Okay, now imagine this: You waltz in there in the third outfit, right? You practically strut in there. Everyone bows at you, in fact. The king is sitting there, on his throne, yet everyone stops and bows at your very presence in this room because your utter flyness compels them to drop to their knees. The king is in awe. He’s utterly speechless. He stands up, takes off his crown, and hands it over to you. You, Geralt of Rivia, are now not only the king, but also the most on fleek stud in all of the land. All hail the third outfit.
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