Batman: Arkham City
Batman and Catwoman have one of the most interesting dynamics in fiction. On one hand, they’re on two different sides of the law (sometimes). On the other hand, they’re both very much attracted to each other in and out of costume. With the feline thief being playable in Arkham City, all the single gamers can learn what it’s like to have someone be completely interested in you while you pretend like you don’t actually want them when deep down, you do. Then when you’re tired of being the Dark Knight, switch over to Catwoman and prowl the streets looking for her trophies and kicking butt in the challenge modes. Who needs Batman when you have six thugs to beat down while your makeup game is on point?
XCOM: Enemy Unknown/Within
Instead of sticking with the randomly generated names and faces, most gamers do like The Sims and make their friends in XCOM. After all, if you’re going to save the world, why not do it with your pals? Think of what class best suits them and equip them with the best skills offered. With the power of friendship and superior firepower, there’s nothing you can’t accomplish…until their character dies, you tell the real life people, and they yell at you and grow to resent you for the next six months because you didn’t think about the alien with the grenade that blew up the car they were taking cover behind. Man, they will never let that go.
Dead Space 2
Like most video game characters, Isaac Clarke is pretty bad with women. Granted, his situation is unique–his girlfriend Nicole killed herself as the Necromorphs were aboard the Ishimura–and you’d think that would be a sign for Isaac to take up online dating like anyone else, but nope. He hallucinates Nicole constantly and watches her last video message. The guy clearly has issues letting go, but in his defense, Ghost Nicole was latching onto him like a bad smell and led him on quite a bit. Once you’ve finally accepted that Nicole is better off dead, you could always chat up that girl who took a screwdriver to the eye–wait, never mind, she’s seeing someone else. If nothing else, gamers should take away from Isaac that the guy should probably keep going solo.
Shadow of Mordor
Yeah, your wife and kid died. Yes, it was a very sad moment, and you’ll never love again. Until you meet Celebrimbor, that is. You may not be able to tell from his Palpatine voice and his literal dead-eyed stare, but he does care for you. After all, you two spend so much time together killing and running and sneaking and killing some more. There’s bound to be some attraction between you guys, but alas, it can never be. He too, is suffering from a case of “Dead Wife and Kid”. For now, the two of you are nothing but good friends. On those nights when you’re tired after a long day of murder, spread your arms out and croon the iconic love song “My Heart Will Go On“.
Gears of War 2
Who can forget Dom and Maria? They had such a lovely family before E-Day happened. Dom was enlisted in the COG, Maria went crazy with grief and wandered the world. Dom searched for her for years until he finally found her. Problem is, she’d been tortured by the Locust and couldn’t even so much as speak. With no other solution, Dom puts a round into her head and hasn’t been the same since. She was the only woman for him, and it’ll be that way for quite a long time. Sorry, Sam.
Dante’s Inferno
Oh, Dante, you’re the embodiment of going stag. Where to start? You start your time during the Crusades by murdering a bunch of Sacracen prisoners over a relic. Weave a tapestry of all his sins onto your chest in the shape of cross (side note: ow) and then head home to your lovely wife Beatrice only to find her murdered. Obviously the only solution is to travel to Hell to rescue her, like that other Italian. From that point on, there’s demon babies, boob spiders, giant tongue things, and Beatrice makes out with Lucifer. She’s made her choice, which means it’s time for you to move on and–oh wait no, you’ve decided to fight Lucifer. You really gotta let her go, man, there are other fish in the sea.
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