Xbox One
There have been three Microsoft consoles in 13 years. For some reason, the geniuses at Microsoft decided to call their third Xbox console the Xbox One, despite the clear indication that it’s not. While the Xbox 720 or hell, even the Xbox Two aren’t any better, they at least make some amount of sense. Then again, maybe it goes with the theme of Microsoft not knowing what the hell the Xbone did. First, it had to be always online, then it wasn’t; trying to put pre-owned games in the disc drive would cause the system to spit hot acid in your eyeballs, then they decided to make it cuddle you and read you bedtime stories. The message of the Xbox One has been a complete clusterfuck, and the name was just the start of it.
Wii U
Nintendo names things with the skill that a three year old paints a faithful recreation of the Mona Lisa. “Hey, you know our successor system to the Wii? Let’s call it the Wii U and fuck with everyone’s mind! Let’s make it so confusing that even CNN won’t know if it’s an accessory or a completely new thing!”
Steam Machine
What is the Steam Machine, you may ask? It’s a “powerful new category of living room hardware,” bundled with the almighty SteamOS and an incredibly innovative controller. Wait, no, now it’s a bunch of different PCs with their own specs and prices handled by 3rd party manufacturers. Also, that innovative controller has been revised for one that 99% of the world won’t go “what the fuck is that” at. So… maybe now it’s just like regular PCs? Who knows at this point? Valve is about as clear on that as they are about working on Half-Life 3.
PSP Go
“PSP Go.” Playstation Portable…Go? One would think that the “go” part is implied with the word “portable.” Not to mention the confusion about what exactly it could do. Maybe it plays all PSP games, maybe some of them? None? And I think it’s also a phone…? No, wait, it just looks like one. Who even knows, man. Maybe the PSP Go didn’t even exist in the first place.
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