Ajay Ghale/Jason Brody/Lara Croft
It’s said that you should fall in love with someone who you have something in common with. In the case of Ajay, Jason, and Lara, they’ve all got plenty in common. Each of them have been trapped on a beautiful island at some point trying to rescue their friends (or in Ajay’s case, find out what the hell Lakshmana is). Also, all three of them have murdered enough animals to send everyone at PETA into cardiac arrest.
They can spend their evenings having romantic murder sprees in the Cayman Islands, skinning any animal that looks at them funny, and taking enough drugs to make Keith Richards pass out. And then when they’re done, they can get some therapy. Lots of therapy. They should also probably make sure that Jason gets on the boat first when they leave the island. Always put the most dangerous one in the front.
Ship Name: Thrillseeker
Cole McGrath/Faith Connors
As How I Met Your Mother so aptly demonstrated in its finale before it pissed it all away, you meet the love of your life at random. At the park, at the movie theater, on the bus, there’s no real way to determine how you’ll find the person you’ll want to spend the rest of your life with. Both of them being parkour enthusiasts, Cole and Faith would most likely meet each other on an empty rooftop, and from that point on, the sparks would fly.
Normal dates like a nice restaurant or the carnival would be replaced by parkour races and seeing who can perform the most rolls midair. These people are thrill seekers, they ain’t got time for flowers and shit. And hopefully Cole can add some color to Faith’s black, white, and red life. Just don’t go swimming with him Faith, it won’t end well. Not even you can avoid getting shocked that fast.
Ship Name: Love Runs Out
Master Chief/Red
In one corner, you’ve got a giant green supersoldier who barely says more than six words every other hour with some serious mommy issues and an outright refusal to die. In the other corner, you have a petite young songstress who lost her voice and a sword that does all the talking for her both on and off the battlefield.
It seems like these two couldn’t be anything but compatible, but their love goes deeper than words. And on those occasions when they do talk, the words would mean much more than if they just had conversations all the time. Not to mention that the Sword and Cortana would try to get those two together anyway just because they ship them so hard.
Ship Name: Silent But Deadly
Destiny Guardian/Samus
Where to start with these two? Mostly silent badasses with an impressive array of weapons? Check. Traveling the galaxy fighting horrors from the darkest corners of space? That’s another one. Wearing armor that looks both visually impressive but also more than a bit silly? That’s three for three. Samus and your Guardian will be spending their nights touring the universe, looking for aliens to kill.
Presents won’t be anything like silly necklaces, or a complete box set of Lost. It’ll be the eye of a Gate Lord or the arm of a really persistent rival bounty hunter. On their off days, your Guardian can show off their new wardrobe while “Uptown Funk” plays. The only downside will be Tyrion Mechister cramping their style like a third wheel. Goddamn Dinklebot.
Ship Name: Bounce Gun
Trevor/Talion
Oh come on, how could these two psychopaths not be in love with each other? Sure, Trevor’s manic personality would grate on Talion after a while, but they would totally be cute together. The phrase “I would kill for you” would never be more fitting here because well, they would kill for each other. Hell, they don’t even need love for a reason to kill in the first place.
Those Lost MC assholes who keep harassing Trevor would all have their throats slit by morning. Orcs constantly throwing axes at Talion while he’s picking up How to Train Your Dragon 2 from Redbox? Trevor will have them screaming and running around on fire before dinnertime. The couple who commits mass homicide together stays together…or however that goes.
Ship Name: Oh God, Get Everyone, They’re Back
Maya/Elizabeth
It’s a little hard to find someone to connect with when you’re able to manipulate the fabric of reality with just a wave of your finely manicured hand. Sure, there’s online dating, but after the fourth or fifth time someone runs away because she absentmindedly sent them to an alternate reality, Elizabeth starts to wonder if she’s better off alone.
Not so much with Maya. Being a Siren, she’s used to being a rarity in the world, and it’s that and their dislike for being manipulated that would bring them together. Elizabeth could take her to an alternate Pandora and Maya can show Elizabeth how to harness her powers in a more offensive manner besides summoning some dinky turrets. How could you not fall in love with the girl who can suspend people in the air while simultaneously burning their flesh?
Ship Name: Phaselove
Axton/Nathan Drake
Going off of all those requests of making out with the person he’s reviving, Axton doesn’t discriminate in his love for attractive people. Nathan Drake, as we all know, is one of the most attractive people in gaming. Axton would shower Drake in praises, while Drake would shower Axton in adventure and people to kill. Axton’s turret would have some reservations about the treasure hunter, but deep down, it knows that Ax and Drake are meant to be.
With Drake’s contacts and Axton’s firepower they’ll be the Bonnie and Clyde of treasure hunting all over the galaxy. Then Elena will show up again and Drake will go back to her, that two-timing ho-bag. Don’t worry, Axton, there’s someone for everyone. Except Maya, you had your chance with her and you kinda screwed the pooch.
Ship Name: Loot and Shoot
Troy Baker on Troy Baker Love
Deep down, no one can love Troy Baker like Troy Baker can. No one else is worthy of Troy Baker, until the universe spawns whatever the video game equivalent to Jennifer Lawrence would be. Until that time, Troy Baker and his various characters will be all the love he needs in this world. Alec Mason, Booker Dewitt, Joker, and Joel will provide the loving to keep Mr. Baker happy for the rest of his days. Then he’ll overload with love and be to video games what David Bowie is to everything else. Eventually, everything converges into the Troy Baker singularity, as it should be.
Ship Name: Shake n Bake
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