Adam – Metroid Fusion
Adam is the AI companion charged with directing Samus throughout her adventure in Metroid Fusion. He’s named after Samus’ dead CO, a man who died protecting Samus in an adventure that most of us would just rather forget about. Although not a physical person, Adam does accompany Samus on her adventure. He follows her throughout the game and interacts with her via terminal hubs scattered within the BSL Research Station. His purple eye coldly watches Samus as he types out directives for her to follow or informs her that he has “graciously” unlocked a door for her or received a new weapon upgrade for her suit.
Adam, being a computer, is stoic and calculating. He’s not incredibly helpful, and spends most of his conversations with Samus telling her what to do or chastising her. For a franchise that has long prided itself on open-ended exploration and trusting the player with figuring out how to navigate the world, Adam was not a popular addition to Metroid’s cast of characters. No one likes being told what to do. Adam was the epitome of poor mission structure in a video game. The player couldn’t even go to certain sections of the station without Adam’s approval.
Learning that the AI was hiding secrets made things even worse, and player’s animosity for the computer reached a fever pitch when it casually locked Samus in a room where she could wait to be arrested. Eventually, the player would learn that Adam was actually an AI built on the mind of the deceased human Adam, and he would side with Samus and help her defy the Galactic Federation. Doesn’t matter. Doing the right thing once does not excuse the hours of endless prattle, orders, and betrayals.
Fi – The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword
Truthfully, I could have outfitted this entire list with nothing but gaming companions from Nintendo franchises, but I have graciously reigned in my wrath this time. Doesn’t excuse the fact that Nintendo is king when it comes to creating characters that are just so easy to hate. The Legend of Zelda is full of them, and I went back and forth on whether to put Navi, Midna, or Fi on this list before settling for the latter.
Frankly, Navi is annoying like a child is annoying. Do you hate him? Yes. Can you stay mad at him forever? No, not really. And Midna, though she’s a pain in the butt for a good 80% of Twilight Princess, goes through some incredible character development that really helps redeem her character. She’s a beloved companion by the end. Neither of these excuses can be used for Fi, the sword spirit who accompanies Link on his adventures in Skyward Sword. She might possibly be the most annoying character in all of The Legend of Zelda.
Skyward Sword might be the only The Legend of Zelda that I hate, and a large part of that is because Fi interrupts my good time every five minutes to tell me something. It’s not even useful information. She just goes on and on about people or places that she thinks are important, and warns Link whenever his hearts are low or his shield is about to break. Yes Fi, I can SEE that I only have one heart, and that that means I’m going to die soon. Please… shut up.
When Zelda started talking about the voice coming from the Master Sword in Breath of the Wild, it gave me a severe case of anxiety. It did not help that Fi’s theme played when the Master Sword started glowing and did actually speak to Zelda. Thankfully, Fi’s appearance in the newest The Legend of Zelda didn’t extend beyond that and I wasn’t forced to smash my Switch. I don’t think I could have handled her showing up again.
Ashley Williams – Mass Effect
When fans of a franchise remember a character as the “hot space racist,” it’s probably a good indicator that the character wasn’t fun to be around. The Mass Effect companions across all four games have their quirks, but no one comes close to being as annoying as Ashley Williams.
Initially, she seems like a pretty cool woman to hang out with. With her crass military personality and sarcastic demeanor, she’s certainly more fun than the bland and boring Kaiden. Then she starts dropping racist rhetoric into her conversations. She clearly believes that humans are the superiors, and that all other alien species are inferior. No amount of convincing will change her mind.
If you do decide to save her, she has the gall to turn her back on you in Mass Effect 2. Apparently chilling with a terrorist group that supports human empowerment is too “extreme” for her. Well, screw you Ashley. We should have saved Kaiden. At least he has biotics. All of your powers suck.
Baby Mario – Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island
I don’t know who thought babies would be great video game companions to hang out with, but that person should reacquaint themselves with how troublesome toddlers can be. They’re annoying. Sure, they’re cute, but they’re also so annoying.
As Yoshi, players need to take Baby Mario home in Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island. Apparently, as a child, Mario was quite needy, as he will immediately burst into tears upon being separated from Yoshi. He will just cry and cry until the player gets them back into Yoshi’s saddle. It gets old very quickly. More than once, I wished I could swallow Baby Mario and trap him inside an egg, so if he did start crying I wouldn’t be able to hear him anymore.
Amy – Amy
The entire video game Amy is just one, arduous escort mission. It’s not very fun. If it wasn’t for the half decent narrative, it would be a hard game to get through. The player takes control of Lana, a woman who takes care of a young girl named Amy as the two try to make their way through a city suffering a zombie outbreak.
Here’s the thing, Amy herself isn’t all that bad as gaming companions go. At least on the surface. She keeps quite and obediently follows Lana’s lead. She also has some sweet psychic powers that can move objects and distract enemies. She’s both helpful and incredibly powerful. However, all this does is force the player to realize how useless Lana is.
In a cruel twist, the player realizes that even though they are doing the escorting, they cannot survive longer than 30 seconds without the help of the person they are taking care of. Amy is a constant reminder of how useless Lana, and thus the player, is. We hate Amy because she makes us feel powerless. We are essentially her map.
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