DMC Lines So Cheesy They’re Actually Hilarious
“Jester’s gonna spank your butt. Spank you on the butt.”
The only line in this list to not spawn from DMC’s leading man Dante (or Nero), this little number comes from the mouth of Jester, the alter-ego of Devil May Cry 3 villain Arkham. Whether Arkham is one heck of a method actor or if his other persona temporarily overwrites his personality, Jester lives up to his name and never takes anything seriously.
This particular quote comes after Arkham’s personality starts to bubble to Jester’s surface and after he threatens his daughter Lady (yes, that’s her legal name) into obedience. Jester slips once again into his buffoonish nature, while dancing, no less. However, this line belies Jester’s insane power and intelligence. The man is strong enough to match Dante and his brother Vergil in a fight, as well as smart enough to play the brothers against one another, yet his default reaction to a misbehaving daughter is singing about spanking like a buffoon. It’s the same reason audiences keep laughing at The Joker’s jokes, despite his psychopathic tendencies.
DMC Lines So Cheesy They’re Actually Hilarious
“Aw, you poor thing. Didn’t your mother ever teach you how to use a door?”
Another Devil May Cry 3 gem, this is a one-off one-liner Dante utters when the demon Beowulf bursts in from the ceiling to attack him. While we could chalk this quote up to Dante’s care-free nature, it also makes fun of demons’ tendencies in the Devil May Cry franchise to burst through windows and walls. Heck, even Dante is guilty of this trope, which makes the line even funnier because his mother did teach him how to use a door. His father probably also did, too.
Whether because DMC demons just hate the concept of doors or because bursting through a wall looks cool, it’s not a DMC game without someone or something entering a room as explosively and excessively as possible, and Dante knows it.
DMC Lines So Cheesy They’re Actually Hilarious
“A false coin, for a false god.”
Devil May Cry 2 is the black sheep of the franchise. The game is a product of the times, and its moody/edgy portrayal of Dante at odds with the other DMC games save for the reboot. However, Dante’s original care-free personality occasionally shines through to provide the game’s few moments of levity.
To make a long story short, the main villain of Devil May Cry 2, Arius, collects several mystical artifacts to complete a ritual that will transform him into an immortal being. One of these artifacts is a coin, and Dante swaps it with a mundane coin of his own in a Chekhov’s Gun move.
The quote reflects Dante’s trademark care-free nature and represents the karma that was a long time coming for Arius. He wanted to become a god-like being, and on the crux of victory, he is foiled by sleight of hand. If an insult that points out how actual magic was foiled by mundane street magic isn’t funny, I don’t know what is.
DMC Lines So Cheesy They’re Actually Hilarious
“You summon and kill, summon and kill. I fail to see the logic here. Is sanity the price to pay for power?”
Oh, Devil May Cry 4, how I am glad you were my entry to the franchise. What better way to introduce me to a character like Dante than a game that builds up to a scene where he channels his inner Shakespeare/Alexander the Great? That is as awesome as it sounds.
During this brief stint into hammy Hamlet territory, Dante plays counter to the stuttering scientist Agnus. The comique to Agnus’ tragique, Dante begins the pseudo-play with a flippant and Shatneresque critique of Agnus’ obsessions, immortalizing the cutscene as one of DMC’s finest.
Given Dante and Agnus’ behavior, it’s hard to tell if the play is non-diegetic or not. But, like Mordin Solus performing Gilbert and Sullivan, Dante’s opening line is so over the top you can’t help but smile.
DMC Lines So Cheesy They’re Actually Hilarious
“Wow, I’ve never seen a talking mutt before. You know, in a dog show, you’d definitely take first place.”
Some of Dante’s best lines come from smack-talking giant boss demons right before he cuts them down to size. It’s almost a running gag how often demons in the Devil May Cry series assume they will defeat Dante because he’s only six feet tall. And then Dante reminds them why he’s called the Devil Hunter.
Dante always personalizes his insults to fit the enemy, and Cerberus, well, Cerberus looks like his namesake: a three-headed dog. And since Cerberus can talk, Dante adds that little detail to his repertoire. It’s a simple insult, but sometimes there’s beauty in simplicity, especially since talking dogs are usually reserved for cartoons.
DMC Lines So Cheesy They’re Actually Hilarious
“Fire’s bad for the complexion. I burn easily, never tan.”
Nero ain’t no Dante. He’s a bit more dour and serious, but he’s got some spunk to him, especially when it comes to the demon Berial.
Most DMC demons love to taunt everyone who is smaller than them, which means they taunt everyone. Berial, however, only talks to himself unless someone impresses/insults him, such as when Nero puts out several burning buildings with a single swing of his sword. And, instead of accepting his monumental feat at face value, Nero passes it off as an act akin to taking the bus instead of driving because he couldn’t afford to pay for gas.
You have to chuckle at any comment that puts an arrogant demon in its place.
DMC Lines So Cheesy They’re Actually Hilarious
“Wish you would’ve noticed me earlier. Now my coat’s all charred.”
Riding on the Berial train, this quote comes from Dante’s interaction with the giant demonic cat-centaur. Even after having his flaming ass handed to him by Nero, Berial hasn’t quite gotten it through his molten head he shouldn’t ignore everyone smaller than he, so he doesn’t notice when Dante sits on his tail. That’s on fire.
By the time Dante speaks up to get Berial’s attention, his clothes are smoldering. Granted, it’s his fault for sitting on the tail of a sentient volcano, but it’s also Berial’s fault for not noticing the bane of all demons treating him like a sofa. This line is one part chastization, two parts self-deprecation, all classic Dante cheese.
DMC Lines So Cheesy They’re Actually Hilarious
“No talking!”
Part of Dante’s charm is that his demon-slaying sword isn’t quite as sharp as his tongue. It bugs the crap out of Dante when someone talks more than he (his words, not mine), so when he doesn’t get the last word, he refuses to take that ego-bruising lying down.
Enter Agni and Rudra, twin bosses in Devil May Cry 3 who talk more than Dante and treat him as a “guest” even though he’s trespassing. Their banter is already hilarious, and just like Cerberus, they transform into weapons when beaten.
Well, technically they were always talking, sentient weapons, and they continue to talk even after being defeated. Dante prefers his trophies to be silent, so the irony of a guy who loves to talk telling others to shut up is just beautiful.
DMC Lines So Cheesy They’re Actually Hilarious
“Check it out! It’s got wings!”
Dante is many things, but above all, he’s completely unflappable even in the face of someone with aspirations of godhood and the power to back up those aspirations. Because Dante has seen it all before, over and over again.
Even in Devil May Cry 4, when faced with a giant, animate statue powered by the souls of countless sacrifices and the sword Yamato, Dante’s first instinct is to make fun of it. He’s seen the same song and dance before, and the only wrinkle this giant, WMD statue brings is it sports a pair of wings.
This line is a backhanded compliment that’s the only thing preventing Dante from yawning in boredom. Dante has faced looming apocalypses before, but they’re such a regular occurrence to him, he treats his world-saving escapades as regular, bill-paying, contract jobs.
DMC Lines So Cheesy They’re Actually Hilarious
“I should have been the one to fill your dark soul with light!”
Ah, the line that spawned a thousand jokes. Everyone who knows anything about Devil May Cry saw this quote coming from a mile away.
What makes this quote shine isn’t its poignancy but its delivery. Nothing more than stereotypical, melodramatic cheese that permeates hundreds of Japanese shows and games, this line wouldn’t stand out save for one detail: Dante’s voice cracks.
Instead of delivering what was meant to be an Oscar clip, the voice actor unintentionally spawns meme history. And to make matters better, the voice crack echoes for several seconds.
This is the “so cheesy it’s hilarious” line by which all others are measured, and for good reason.
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