Sticky Balls
Right out of the door we’ve got the dumb game name Sticky Balls. You may never have heard of this terribly named gem because it came out on an incredibly infamous console – the Gizmondo. This system was a mistake of the highest order which would display downloaded advertisements every day to help fund it. Anyway, the game itself.
It had originally been in development for the Pocket PC until developer Zed Two was bought out by Warthog who moved proceedings onto the PSP. Shortly after that, Warthog were bought out by Tiger Telematics who moved development to the Gizmondo. One of its few claims to fame is Sticky Ball‘s presence as one of only 8 games available for the console in the United States. You can actually buy the game right now on iOS under the title Sticky Balls Classic.
This dumb game should go down in the annals of history as one of the most idiotic to come to light. Let’s be honest here, who in their right mind would let a game with that title through focus groups and any sort of testing. Don’t worry though, there’s much worse to come.
Awesome Possum Kicks Dr. Machino’s Butt
It was a toss up between putting this game onto the list of incredible game names or dumb game names. After months of deliberation and several hours counselling with the Cthulhu, it was obvious this had to be on the latter. That and it was advertised as an “excellent educational game for all ages.” Edu-tainment… Oh, what fun.
Developed by Tengen for the Sega Megadrive/Genesis, Awesome Possum Kicks Dr. Machino’s Butt took heavy influence from the gameplay elements of Sonic while adding in an unhealthy dose of digitized speech. You could spin to attack enemy robots who were being controlled by the evil Dr Machino. Yeah, this is basically a re-skin of Sonic with a twist.
Aside from making our list of dumb game names, it should make the list of anyone who spends any amount of time involved in environmental activism. Throughout the game, players are asked to answer questions about the environment which would grant you bonus points in the final fight. The game itself featured 13 levels spread over 4 different worlds. Oh, and there were 12 bonus stages where Awesome Possum was tasked with picking up recyclables to stop them rotting away in the garbage.
You could also ride rhinos and bees a la Donkey Kong Country. Who needs originality when you’ve got a dumb game name and no fear of plagerism eh?
Big Mutha Truckers 2: Truck Me Harder
This probably takes the crown as one of the dumb game names that will live on long after we are all nothing more than desiccated ash in our irradiated hovels. Big Mutha Truckers 2: Truck Me Harder stands out as one of those titles that tries to have a name full of puns and innuendos and actually succeeds. Some other games on this list do it unintentionally (here’s looking at you, Sticky Balls) but Big Mutha Truckers 2: Truck Me Harder just goes balls out for the effect.
Published by the now dead THQ for PC, Xbox, and PlayStation 2, the game puts in the role of a trucker trying to raise enough money to pay for Big Ma’s legal fees as she avoid charges of tax fraud. There’s an open world to explore and plenty to do but don’t just rush out to explore. Big Mutha Truckers 2: Truck Me Harder was almost universally panned, receiving middling to low ratings across the board. We aren’t saying that it’s just because it makes everyone’s list of dumb game names but yeah, it can’t have helped.
Even the cover art, which can be seen above, tries to be a little tongue in cheek. It does rather miss the mark even before you get to the rather strange looking attempt at a Debbie Does Dallas reference.
Enforcer: Police Crime Action
Where other titles in the dumb game names list are acknowledged for tortured innuendos or a wtf-factor of 9000, Enforcer: Police Crime Action makes the list because it’s just dumb. Dumb as a bag of rocks and with the flair to boot. This isn’t quite the mouthful that is Super Ultra Dead Rising 3 Arcade Remix Hyper Edition EX Plus Alpha. It does come close though as none of the words seem to fit together properly.
In it, you are tasked with cleaning up the streets of Generic Town (ok, it’s called Mountain Valley, but seriously) as a member of the police force. You’re invited into a world where you do an 8-hour shift before living a normal life and then sleeping. After all, the most fun part of any in-game day is always sleeping, right? This deserves one of those dumb name games just for sounding so dull.
It doesn’t help that the game is pretty much the definition of awful itself. There are no jokes to make about some poorly-veiled reference to sex or attempt at swearing. There’s just the title in all its glorious awfulness. One would hope that the selection of that title is due to some issue in translation. Either way, Enforcer: Police Crime Action deserves a place in the dumb game names list. Probably the only award it will win anyway.
F.3.A.R
Remember when they really wanted the initials to spell out S.H.I.E.L.D? Then you might remember when developer Monolith – now famed for Middle Earth: Shadow of Mordor – really wanted their game’s box art to spell F.E.A.R. While First Encounter Assault Recon should make the dumb game names list simply for this reason it was pipped at the post. Who by? Day One Studios is who, as they decided to that the third entry in the series should be stylized as F.3.A.R.
How would you even go about saying it? It is obviously just F.E.A.R 3 but putting the 3 right inside the title is a little dim. It’s like H4lo for Halo 4 or Sr33t Fight3r because we all know that franchise will continue onto triple digit entries. Is it Fe-thr-ar or F-three-ar? Okay yes, I’m getting silly here, but come on, sticking a number into the wording of your title is about as intelligent as putting a cat on another cat. It’s funny to look at but no-one involved likes what’s going in.
Divine Divinity
Divinity is defined as “the state or quality of being divine.” Now, this works fine with titles like Beyond Divinity and Divinity: Original Sin. Where it doesn’t work fine though is with our next in the list of dumb game names – Divine Divinity. So, in theory, this game title means God’s divine quality. Isn’t a divine quality already something attributed with a god? So dumb.
The only excuse really is that the series itself is called Divinity so where do you go from there could be the only reason that makes sense. It is, however, the starting point for the series so nope that excuse goes out of the window again. Luckily, Divine Divinity bucks the trend for these titles with dumb game names by it being a fun and enjoyable RPG title. Heck it was good enough to spawn Divinity: Original Sin which is generally seen as a great game.
Other options could have been chosen, like Godly Divinity or Praise Divinity but what’s done is done. Divine Divinity may not be a bad game, but it definitely makes the list for dumb game names.
Fluster Cluck
Say it quickly and somewhere down the line, you’ll be left with blushing cheeks. Fluster Cluck is the most recent title on this list, having been hatched onto the PlayStation 4 in October 2014. It’s aimed primarily at the younger audience with huge helpings of tongue-in-cheek comedy for a dual-stick shooter.
It didn’t exactly excite the minds of critics everywhere. It’s probably flown so far under your radar that you’ll be remembering the omelette your Aunt Sue made 8 years ago before this game. You know, the one that gave the family horrendous gas for a week. The premise itself even reads as something written during a pretty heavy food-poisoning fever. You play as an alien employee for a fast food company, turning things into chickens to sell to customers.
The only real saving grace that Cluster Fu – ahem – Fluster Cluck brings to the table is just that. When you talk about it with friends or family the chance for a slip of the tongue is higher than normal. Other than that, it deserves a place in this dumb game names lists just because it’s outwardly dumb.
Irritating Stick
Here’s one of those dumb game names that’s so easy to forget but that should be written as one of the worst ever to see the light of day. Based upon the Japanese game show Ucchan Nanchan no Honō no Challenger: Kore ga Dekitara 100 Man En, Irritating Stick simply asks you to move a metal stick through a wire maze. That’s it. Nothing more. It was released on the PlayStation in North America early in 1999 and luckily has been forgotten about for the most part.
The title of Irritating Stick has no sense of passion or charisma. There weren’t kids in North America tugging on the coat tails of their parents shouting, “But Mooooom, I want Irritating Stick.” Its name is just a terribly bad name that smacks of an almost obtuse sense of half-arsed title checking. They could have called it Buzz Stick or Happy Wand (okay, maybe not that one) and it would have not made this dumb game names list.
As it is now though, Irritating Stick sits right here because it simply is the best definition possible of dumb game names.
Touch Dic
Yes. Touch Dic is pronounced exactly as you think. The name was changed around the time of release to Touch Dictionary but that doesn’t change the fact cover art exists for the title in its previous incarnation. The DS title was basically a dictionary for your DS which allowed for translation between English, Korean, and Japanese on the fly.
The ‘game’ apparently contains over 1.63 million words. Not that it matters because no matter what you try, you’ll never forget you’re holding a copy of Touch Dic in your hands. No doubt there’s a piece of software of the same heritage called Touch Thesaurus which will actually involve slowly running your DS pen over an increasingly worried-looking T-Rex.
If you need any more reason for why this list of dumb game names includes Touch Dic then may I suggest our final choice. It’s a stand-out of the highest order. Especially if you like dic/dick jokes.
Frogger: Helmet Chaos
That’s right. How this one got past any semblence of checking or testing boggles the mind. Frogger: Helmet Chaos was developed for the PSP by Konami and features the little green traffic-dodger doing his normal thing – weaving between vehicles to reach a goal. The name though. Just that name.
For those who may not be aware, a common slang word for the culminating area of the male genitalia is helmet. While there’s plenty of chaos to be had in the game there isn’t that much going on around any mans unmentionables. Whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing we’ll leave in your capable hands.
Not the helmet! The decision.
Why does it make the dumb game names list? Look at it! That’s one of the dumb game names to end all dumb game names. I wonder if they’ll bring out a sequel called Frogger: Journey into the Lady Garden or Frogger: Butts Butts Butts.
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