For two decades, the Pokemon franchise has seen all sorts of weird and wonderful critters join the roster. Some are obvious: you’ve got dogs, cats, birds and at least nine variations of angry rocks. Others can raise an eyebrow at first, and accusations have been rampant that Game Freak are running out of ideas. Never mind the fact that generation 1 featured a Pokemon that was literally a bunch of eggs.
Could it be that they’ve exhausted all of their possibilities? Or are they overcomplicating a simple solution? With Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon on the horizon, there are more than a few clear choices that have been patiently waiting for their time to shine. At last, it’s time to give these plucky underdogs their day in the sun (and moon).
Dolphin
This should have been an inclusion since day one. Dolphins are by far the most popular marine mammal (with apologies to the elegant manatee), and would make for an easy water-type addition. With a built-in moveset that includes Headbutt and Supersonic, it could be a glass cannon built specifically to dish out maximum damage before succumbing to an onslaught of electric attacks and ocean pollution.
If you want to get particularly fancy, you could even forego the laws of science by having it evolve into a narwhal. It would primarily operate the same, but with a pointy horn jutting out of its noggin that makes it clear that it means business. Give it a snappy name like Warwhal, and you’ve got a recipe for success.
Wallaby
One of the most thrilling things in Sun and Moon was when they finally bit the bullet and created a koala Pokemon. The slumbering Komala ticked off a prominent box on a lot of people’s wish lists, but many of its Australian brethren remain tragically unrepresented. Between the hideous Kangaskhan and the bizarre Breloom, we’ve technically got kangaroo Pokemon at our disposal, but they’re not nearly as marketable as they could be.
So that’s why a wallaby Pokemon is a must. Both smaller and more cuddly than their more famous marsupial cousins, wallabies remain criminally anonymous in popular culture as a whole. You’ve basically got Rocko from Rocko’s Modern Life, the Australian men’s rugby team, then bupkis. Make it a normal/fighting type to pay homage to its powerful kicks, and churn out merchandise to your heart’s content. Crikey!
Housefly
You’d be excused for thinking this was already a thing. Bug Pokemon have been realized as slugs in rocks and battery grubs, but those annoying, buzzing black pests that ruin every family barbecue? Not a single one in sight. Alola came fairly close by giving us Cutiefly – based on the bee fly, and yes that’s a real thing – but it lacks the swattability of a nasty old housefly. Even the lowly mosquito finally landed a role as Buzzwole, the muscular, horrifying behemoth of the Ultra Beasts.
If we can have a big, sexy mosquito, why can’t we have a housefly (it need not be big nor sexy)? To represent its general futility, it would have completely abysmal stats and appear en masse in sunny areas, or near the rear ends of equine Pokemon. You would learn to hate it even more than the detestable old Zubat, and eventually lament its very existence. Art imitating life, you see.
Pug
Water, water everywhere… but not a drop to drink! There is a sheer abundance of pooch Pokemon to choose from, whether you want to go a classic standby like Growlithe or Houndour, or you’d prefer the modern options like Rockruff. Alas, all of them are inferior to this theoretical new creature, because none of them are modelled after pugs.
It’s an undeniable truth that pugs are hot property in 2017, and as such, a pug Pokemon (a Pugemon, if you will) would be a bonafide top seller. Obviously, it wouldn’t be very smart or good in a battle, but it would melt hearts with its vacant stare and keen ability to wear knitted sweaters. Some amongst you might be pointing at Snubbull as filling the pug quota, but don’t kid yourselves, we can aim higher than that.
Additionally, it would give you a chance to see how many creatively bankrupt trainers name it Frank. It may even give the Oranguru called Harambe a run for their money.
Hat
OK this one isn’t an animal but hear us out. This may sound like lunacy, but it’s not that far from the realm of possibility. Thanks to the preponderance of ghost-type Pokemon possessing random household items, we have seen… a haunted chandelier, a haunted set of keys, a haunted lawnmower, a haunted sand castle, and a haunted loaf of bread. Only one of those is imaginary, and the fact that it’s hard to judge which one helps to illustrate the point.
Nintendo does love to cross-promote when possible, so a spooky hat gives the perfect opportunity to make allusions towards the upcoming Super Mario Odyssey. For a limited time, grab yourself a Cappy-styled Hatori! Christmas is approaching? Celebrate the holiday season with a Hatori fashioned after Santa’s hat. Fedora Hatori! Beret Hatori! Balaclava Hatori, if you’re feeling particularly bold!
And here’s the kicker; the seemingly arbitrary name Hatori? A portmanteau of hat and ‘hitori’, the Japanese word for “alone.” Gold. Certified eerie gold.
Any others that spring to mind? Be sure to leave your own ideas in the comments! And if you’re really keen, feel free to draw your own interpretation of the glorious Hatori. Surely, it’ll be an enlightening experience.
About the author
